Guarding your heart through Betrayal

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

There are some wounds that arrive unexpectedly and with an immediate deep wound visible to the world. Others arrive with a smile. Some wounds come from enemies. Others come from people we love.

If you have lived long enough, you have probably discovered that some of life’s deepest pain does not come from those who stand against you. It comes from those who once stood beside you.

Betrayal has a unique way of cutting deeper than most wounds because betrayal requires something that every healthy relationship is built upon: trust. A stranger cannot betray you. Someone on the outside cannot break what they were never invited into. Betrayal requires access. It requires relationship. It requires shared moments, shared history, shared conversations, shared dreams, and often shared tears.

That is why betrayal feels so disorientating.

One moment you feel safe. The next moment the very person who once brought comfort becomes the source of pain. Perhaps someone shared something you told them in confidence. Maybe a friend spoke against you behind your back. A leader you trusted disappointed you. Perhaps a spouse broke trust. Someone you loved walked away without explanation, or without you expecting it…

Sometimes, a deep form of betrayal comes from people who believe things about you without ever speaking to you. Maybe someone you loved simply chose a different path and left you carrying the pieces.

Whatever form it took, betrayal leaves us asking questions that are often difficult to answer.

• How could they do this?
• Did they ever really care?
• Was any of it genuine?
• How did we get here?
• Why would God allow this?

These questions are not signs of weak faith. They are often the cry of a wounded heart trying to understand something it never anticipated. The reality is that betrayal hurts because trust is precious.

Trust is one of the greatest gifts we can offer another person. We hand someone access to places within our hearts that not everyone gets to see. We allow them into our vulnerabilities, our hopes, our challenges, our dreams, and our journey. When that trust is broken, it can feel as though something far deeper than a relationship was damaged.

And many times, it feels as though a part of ourselves was lost too…

However, when we come to Scripture, we discover that betrayal is not a modern problem. It is woven throughout the stories of men and women who walked with God. And surely, through studying the Gospels, no one understands betrayal better than Jesus.

Before the Cross came the kiss.

The Kiss Before the Cross

One of the most heart wrenching moments in Scripture unfolds in the Garden of Gethsemane. Imagine this moment… Read this, and then close your eyes for a moment, picturing this scene, placing yourself, as much as you can, in the position Jesus was in…

Jesus knew what was coming. He knew Judas would betray Him. He knew the price that lay ahead. He asked His three closest disciples to pray for Him as He was fighting the urge to sin against God and let the cup of suffering pass Him. But He had to go and wake them up three times, because they did not understand what Jesus was going through, they did not understand His suffering. When Jesus needed His friends to pray for Him, they were too tired, they couldn’t discern the weight of the moment or the heaviness that Jesus was carrying in His spirit. The same friends Jesus spent three years of His life equipping, praying for, teaching them about the Kingdom of God, living with them, giving them all He had…they couldn’t even pray for Him when He needed it. Did that pierce Jesus’ heart as betrayal from His closest friends? We know that Jesus had no sin, otherwise He could not be the spotless lamb to pay for our sins. Was He hurt by it, disappointed, did He feel alone? It is very possible that He did.

As He continued praying in the Garden, an angel was right there with Him. That angel brought comfort, closeness, strength. Yet, Jesus started sweated blood, known as Hematidrosis, a rare medical condition that is caused by extreme levels of physical or emotional stress. He experienced pronounced anguish, one we might never really understand… to the point where his sweat became like great drops of blood, as per Luke 22:44. Hematidrosis is when the capillaries near the sweat glands rupture, and blood and sweat begin to mix. It shows the intense, deep, disturbing suffering Jesus went through even before His crucifixion…We have a rare insight into the spiritual burden He was carrying before He even carried it physically.

And as He was strengthening Himself in the Lord, deciding to submit to God’s sovereign will (which He always would have), He got up and was ready to face what was coming…

Then, still in the Garden, Judas approached Jesus. He did not come with an announcement. He did not arrive carrying a sign that declared his intentions…

He came with a kiss…

This powerful symbol of affection became the instrument of betrayal. The very act that should have communicated loyalty became the vehicle of deception. And yet, what amazes me every time I read this account is not Judas’ behaviour… It is Jesus’ response.

Jesus was not surprised. He was not shaken. He was not scrambling to understand what happened. He knew.

• He knew when He washed Judas’ feet.
• He knew when He shared meals with him.
• He knew when He taught him.
• He knew when He sent him out with the other disciples.
• He knew when Judas shared a table with Him every day…

And He loved him anyway… Wow, what Love is this?

It does not mean Jesus approved of what Judas would do. It means betrayal never controlled who Jesus was. It did not alter His identity or His purpose. It did not change His commitment to being obedient. The betrayal did not alter His Love…

And there is a profound lesson hidden there for every one of us. What others do must never determine who we become. One of the enemy’s greatest goals is not simply to wound us. It is to transform us through the wound.

• He wants betrayal to make us suspicious.
• He wants rejection to make us hard.
• He wants disappointment to make us cynical.
• He wants offense to make us bitter.
• He wants pain to become our identity.

But Jesus shows us another way.

When Christians Are the Ones Who Hurt Us

This is where many believers struggle. We expect opposition from the world. We expect challenges from people who do not know Jesus. We expect darkness to oppose the light. What we do not expect is for fellow believers to become the source of pain.

But this is often where some of the deepest wounds occur. Why? Most of the time because we did not expect it to come from there. We trusted. We allowed access. We shared our journey… In a bigger sense than just being hurt by individuals who love God, those who represent and shepherd the Church of God might be the source of the betrayal, and the Church becomes a place of hurt rather than of healing…

This is then usually exactly when we find ourselves carrying a wound we never anticipated. Not because we expected perfection, but because we expected better.

One of the dangers of church hurt is that we can begin confusing Jesus with the people who represent Him.

People fail. We make mistakes. We all have blind spots. People can deeply and authentically love Jesus and still wound others. This reality, however, does not excuse the sin, and it does not minimise the damage it caused. It should never remove accountability either.

But it does remind us of something extremely important: Our faith was never built upon people. Faith was not meant to be built on people. It can’t. It is sinking sand. Our faith can ONLY be built upon Jesus, the living, breathing Word of God.

If our faith is anchored in people, betrayal will shake everything we have ever known. If our faith is anchored in Jesus, betrayal may wound us deeply, but it will not destroy us.

The wound may have come through people.

The healing will still come through Him.

The Temptation to Build Walls

After betrayal, our natural response is often self-protection. “Never again!” We make inner vows to ourselves to protect us from future hurt, vows to never trust again, to never open up again, to never let anyone close to us again… Does that sound familiar? Have you been there?

The problem is that walls rarely stop pain alone. They also stop connection, intimacy, vulnerability, growth, and eventually, it will even stop love…

Many people think they are guarding their hearts when in reality they are imprisoning them. Guarding your heart and hardening your heart are not the same thing. Jesus guarded His heart. He did not harden it. How do we know the difference? Let’s look at Jesus’ life and how He lived it from a guarded heart:

• He remained open enough to love no matter the cost to Him personally.
• He remained tender enough to weep with and for others.
• He remained compassionate enough to forgive, even on the Cross…
• He remained strong enough to set boundaries.
• He remained wise enough to recognise motives, and He never became naive. But neither did He become hard.

There is a difference.

A hardened heart says, “Nobody gets access anymore.”

A guarded heart says, “Jesus decides who gets access.”

One is fear. The other is wisdom.

What If I Was the One Who Caused the Hurt?

This question requires deep and authentic humility.

When we speak about betrayal, it is easy to focus on what others have done to us. But spiritual maturity eventually leads us to ask another question:

• Have I ever wounded someone else’s trust?
• Have I ever shared something that should have remained private?
• Have I ever spoken carelessly?
• Have I ever withdrawn without explanation?
• Have I ever contributed to someone else’s pain?

The truth is that most of us have been on both sides of this equation. Even though I would love to answer No, NEVER, to all these questions, I find myself answering “Yes…” to all of them. I feel condemnation wanting to creep into my heart, guilt, self-rejection, maybe even self-hatred… BUT God’s conviction is much stronger than the enemy’s condemnation. The Father’s conviction carries a strengthening grace with it. We do not feel humiliated, too guilty to lift our heads, too bad to face anyone again… No, we are empowered to change!

We all need mercy. We all need grace. We all absolutely need forgiveness every, single day.

The beautiful thing about Jesus is that His grace reaches both the wounded and the one who caused the wound.

There is healing for the betrayed, and there is restoration for the repentant.

There is mercy available for both. The question is not whether God is merciful on us, but rather, whether we will be bold enough in Godly conviction to receive His mercy without hindrance.

Guarding Your Heart Through Betrayal

So how do we actually guard our hearts when trust has been broken? There isn’t a recipe, but through the years of learning through being betrayed and unfortunately, being the one who betrayed (whether I planned to or not), and through studying the Gospels and the Word, I have seen an order to guarding our hearts in a Godly manner:

We begin by bringing the wound into the light.

Many people bring their pain to everyone except Jesus. They replay the story. They revisit the conversations. They seek validation. They search for explanations…

Yet healing begins when we bring the wound to the One who already understands it completely. Jesus cannot heal a wound we insist on hiding.

The second step is refusing to allow betrayal to define us.

You are not the person who was rejected. You are not the person who was abandoned. You are not the person who was betrayed. You are first and foremost a beloved child of God. What happened to you matters. But it is not your identity.

The third step is forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not mean what happened was acceptable, and it surely doesn’t mean that trust is automatically restored. By forgiving we are not expecting consequences of actions to disappear… Forgiveness means releasing our right to revenge and placing justice in the hands of God alone. Trust will take time to rebuild. Reconciliation will require true, deep, genuine repentance… Boundaries will still be necessary, but forgiveness keeps our hearts free…

Finally, we ask the Holy Spirit to keep our hearts tender.

Tender hearts can be wounded. But hardened hearts cannot love well. We have one heart. And a hardened heart is hard towards everything and everyone. That includes Jesus, the voice of the Holy Spirit, the guidance of the Father. Jesus never called us to become hard. He called us to become like Him.

Resurrection Still Comes

There is something remarkable about the story of Jesus:

• Judas betrayed Him.
• Peter denied Him.
• The disciples abandoned Him.
• The crowds turned against Him.

Yet betrayal was never the end of the story.

Resurrection came! Life came! Victory came! Redemption came!

What looked like the darkest chapter became the doorway to something greater.

Perhaps that is where some of us find ourselves today… Standing in the aftermath of broken trust. Trying to make sense of disappointment. Wondering whether healing is possible.

The answer is yes!

Not because betrayal is small or easy to rebuild. But because Jesus is still the Healer of broken hearts. He knows what betrayal feels like – not academically, not theoretically – PERSONALLY. And because He knows, He can walk with you through it.

Guard your heart. Not by building walls. Not by withdrawing from life. Not by becoming suspicious of everyone around you. Guard your heart by bringing it continually before Jesus. The One who was betrayed understands your pain. The One who rose again can restore what was broken.

And the One who guards your heart is faithful to complete what He has begun.

Reflection Questions

Have I allowed betrayal to influence how I view God, people, or relationships?

Have I built walls where God is calling me to build wisdom instead?

Is there someone I need to forgive?

Is there someone I need to ask forgiveness from?

What would it look like to trust Jesus with this wound completely?

Becoming Living Poetry on Fire

Do not just answer these questions as you read this blog. Do not just skim over them. Find a place, a time, and book it with Jesus. Sit with these questions with an open heart to hear from Him. Some answers might be difficult to hear. Choose conviction and rebuke condemnation. Take each question, step-by-step, and let the Holy Spirit guide you on what to do next to walk as one with Jesus.

In my case, I had to be honest at number 1, realising that I had made inner vows because of betrayal by Christian friends and what is known as “church hurt.” The Spirit of God led me to repent and invite Him in to renew my mind to how I should view God, people and relationships. It was one thing to know how to view these relationships, but another altogether to choose to view them this way. The enemy will always bring up a past hurt, a wound that cut really deep, you will be tempted with self-protection… Forgive immediately, choose Life, and CHOOSE to see God, people and relationships through the eyes of Jesus. I would pray every day “Lord, show we how You see this person. Show me who they are to you?” That perspective-change was beautiful. It was like I had a new mind, new eyes, and a brand new perspective about this person. Mercy grew within me, and forgiveness became really possible.

I studied the Word and the life of Jesus and other powerful men and women of God to learn what Godly relationships look like. Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan, Abraham and Isaac, Priscilla and Aquilla, Paul and Timothy, Jesus and His disciples, Moses and God, Abraham and God, and David and God. I encourage you to go and study these Godly relationships and allow the Holy Spirit to transform your life through the renewing of your mind. I experienced deliverance from self-protection, inner vows I didn’t even remember I made, and chains holding me back were broken the moment God’s anointing filled His Word and gave me revelation on what Godly relationships look like. They are not conflict-free. In fact, they are known by their willingness to be teachable, look inward, forgive quickly, commit to rebuild trust, and to be peace makers instead of peacekeepers…

I did exactly the same with questions 2 – 5. I ensured my heart was healed by the presence of Jesus, that I had forgiven completely, and I humbled myself and asked for forgiveness when I had to. I saw my life free from the effect of betrayal. And with being a doer of the Word – not just answering the questions, but allowing the Spirit of God to strengthen me to grow and change and repent, and then putting it into real action.

I now live a life free from the effects of betrayal. It took me five months of hard work, continuous trust in Jesus, not giving up and trusting Him to continue strengthening me to do what a child of God should do – “For those who are led by the Spirit of God, are the sons of God.” – Romans 8:14. I chose to do what He led me to do, because I WANT to be a son of God, a daughter of God, a child of God.

I will be led by His Spirit, even if it is difficult. I will receive His grace to be empowered to say “NO” to sinful responses to betrayal, like the need to defend myself, and submit to His leading. It was an utterly challenging, powerful, difficult, lots-of-tears, angry, merciful, forgiveness, humble, choosing reconciliation, freeing, healing journey that was worth every second of it. Not for a moment did I face it alone. Jesus was present with me in every moment.

He transformed me from living like someone with deep wounds of betrayal, a hardened heart, to a woman of God with thick skin, a tender heart, perspective, filled with mercy, understanding and perspective, led by His Spirit in every moment. I am a masterpiece and work in progress at the same time. And that is okay. I am growing intentionally with Jesus every day.

Become a Wildfire

As we live our lives this way, becoming a wildfire happens naturally. Forgiving others, asking for forgiveness, receiving deliverance and freedom, leading a life glorifying Jesus naturally – people take note. They want the same. Be ready to share the Reason for your hope, your breakthrough, your mindset, your love for people. All we have to do is be doers of the Word, share the Truth, and God will do the rest.

Prayer

Jesus, You understand betrayal better than anyone. You know the pain of broken trust, rejection, abandonment, and misunderstanding. Today I bring every wound before You. Heal what has been broken. Remove bitterness, offense, fear, and resentment from my heart. Teach me to forgive as You forgave. Help me remain tender without becoming vulnerable to every wound and wise without becoming hard. I trust You with my future, my relationships, and every place where trust has been broken. Guard my heart and teach me to guard it as You did. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Reach out to us

We love hearing what God reveals to you, how He works in and through you, and how you are walking out this journey. Any questions and challenges in the journey, we are here for that too! Reach out to us and let us know – Jesus is real, and He loves you too much to leave you the way you are.

If you would like to reach out to a woman, e-mail hello@poetry-onfire.com

If you are a male and prefer speaking to a male, e-mail wildfire@poetry-onfire.com

May His Word burn within you that you are weary of keeping it in, indeed, you cannot…

Much love,

Poetry on Fire xxx