When your soul tries to let you know…
There are some seasons where something in your soul feels bruised, but you cannot fully explain why.
You are still doing what needs to be done. You are still showing up at work. Still answering messages. Still praying. Still carrying responsibility. Still being strong for everyone else. But internally, there is a heaviness sitting in places words cannot always reach.
And often, it is not only one thing.
- Pressure at work.
- Weight in ministry.
- Responsibility in family.
- Disappointment in friendship.
- Exhaustion emotionally.
- Questions spiritually.
All colliding at once.
And somewhere in the middle of it, you begin noticing shifts in people you once felt safe with. Conversations feel different. Warmth feels unfamiliar. You feel misunderstood by people who once knew your heart well. Maybe there was no massive betrayal, maybe there was, maybe there was no dramatic ending, just the painful awareness that something deeply meaningful has shifted.
That kind of grief is difficult to explain because you are grieving people who are still alive. They are still around. You see their posts, their statuses, and it all seems to be a reminder of the deep wound your soul is experiencing.
When something has been real, you feel the difference when it changes.
The story of Job carries this tension more deeply than many realise. There is such a beautiful truth here that the Lord revealed to me when I was in my own season of Sackcloth and Ashes…
Job did not only lose possessions, comfort, influence, and stability. He sat in the pain of being misunderstood while suffering. His friends came to him, and at first, they simply sat with him. Let’s pause here. His friends showed up. They saw their friend was not himself, that he needed support, that he needed their presence to know he is not forgotten. His friends sat with him for seven days while he was in sackcloth and ashes. They were just there for him. How beautiful?
When wearing sackcloth it is deeply uncomfortable, to the point where it even becomes painful. The sackcloth is rough, hard, and scratches, bruises and even causes wounds on the skin at times. The physical wearing of sackcloth and scattering of ashes as a covering, represents the deep emotional pain the person in this position is experiencing. And today, even though we do not necessarily wear sackcloth physically anymore, at certain times, we can still experience that deep, overwhelming, piercing, pain in our soul.
Job’s friends started out as being present and supportive. They sat in silence, letting him know they are there, they care, they see, and they choose to be with him through his tough, emotionally exhausting time, while he is filled with questions and dealing with them internally. They stayed. But eventually they felt just being there wasn’t enough anymore…
And this is where the story of where friendship, calling and pressure collide. Eventually his friends began speaking from assumption instead of love. They analysed him instead of listening to him. They spoke as though they understood what God was doing, while Job sat there already carrying more pain than they could see. They started correcting him because they sat with him long enough, he must get up and over it now. They did not seek God on how to be there for their friend. They did not consult Him on what Job’s heart was carrying… They merely had enough of being “there” without results. They got tired of “being there” for their friend, and it was time to straighten him out.
Have you been there? Have you been like Job in a friendship? When God is calling you to something so different that nobody understands it? That they are there, but then their reasoning takes over and they forget to seek God to find out His truth about your heart, your call, and the actual depth of your friendship?
That cuts deeply. Very deeply.
Especially when you know your heart before God. Especially when you genuinely tried to love people well. Especially when you are already exhausted from carrying pressure in other areas of life. And when you truly thought they would stay, seek to understand, support and pray for and with you…
Sometimes what hurts most is not the disillusionment or the loss that follows. It is the loneliness that comes afterwards.
And if we are truly honest, these deeply painful seasons tempt us to harden.
- To withdraw.
- To become suspicious.
- To stop trusting people.
- To protect ourselves emotionally.
- To stop loving openly because disappointment feels too expensive…
But the danger is that pain can shape us into people we never wanted to become.
That is why sackcloth and ashes mattered in Scripture. It was never performance. It was always about honesty before God. Withholding nothing from Him. Saying “Here I am, Lord. I need You more than ever. I am hurting, alone, confused…Restore me, Lord.”
It was the acknowledgement that something painful happened and that only God could carry a person through it.
Maybe that is where some of you are right now…
Not pretending you are fine. Not masking exhaustion with productivity. Not acting unaffected while your heart is struggling underneath it all.
Just sitting before God saying: “Jesus, this hurt.” “I feel tired.” “I do not understand what shifted.” “I do not want this season to harden me.”
And that honesty matters deeply.
Because God can heal what we bring before Him. But many people spend years hiding wounds behind functioning. You can lead while hurting. You can smile while grieving. You can deeply love Jesus and still feel emotionally exhausted.
BUT know this: God is not intimidated by that.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3, NKJV)
He is not irritated by them. Not disappointed in them. He draws near. He sits with you. He tends to your heart not by choosing Himself, but by choosing to be there for YOU. It was never a choice for Him between Himself and you. He always chooses you.
You Are Not Becoming Weak
One of the enemy’s greatest lies in painful seasons is convincing people that tenderness is weakness.
It is not.
Jesus was compassionate and discerning at the same time. Full of mercy and full of wisdom.
You do not have to choose between love and boundaries. You can forgive while still using discernment. You can remain kind without giving everyone unlimited access to your heart.
And this matters because disappointment often pushes people into extremes. Some people become hard. Others become desperate for validation. Some isolate themselves completely. Others overexplain themselves trying to be understood.
But healing in God looks different.
Healing allows you to remain soft before Jesus without becoming fragile before people.
It teaches you to stop chasing validation from people who have already decided not to understand you. It teaches you to stop carrying the exhausting burden of trying to manage everyone’s perception of you.
Jesus Himself was misunderstood by people standing directly in front of Him. Not every misunderstanding can be fixed by explanation. Jesus didn’t even try to explain…
Sometimes peace comes when you stop striving to defend yourself constantly and simply remain faithful before God. I remember God telling me so clearly: “Marile, if you say I am your Defender, why do you feel the need to defend yourself?” And I trained myself to stop defending myself, even when I really wanted to. God’s grace sustained me to deeply trust HIM as my Defender. And I have seen Him doing miraculous restorative work without me having anything to do with it. He is our Faithful Defender.
“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” (Psalm 37:5, NKJV)
Stay faithful in your work. Stay faithful in your calling. Stay faithful in integrity. Stay faithful in love. Through it all, choose faithfulness to the Lover of your soul – Yes, the Lover of your SOUL! He loves our minds and yes, even our emotions. He guides us to grow in His likeness through it all.
Do not allow disappointment to pull you out of character.
And sometimes, God will expose where our identity became attached to being appreciated, needed, emotionally held, or understood by people…instead of by Him.
That revelation hurts.
But it also frees us.
Because when God becomes your safest place, people no longer carry the pressure of being your source.
Living the Word – Becoming Living Poetry on Fire
So what does this actually look like practically?
First, stop pretending before God. Tell Him the truth.
Tell Him where your heart feels bruised. Tell Him where disappointment settled in. Tell Him where you feel tired of carrying things alone and without being able to confide in what was once a trusted friend. He is our Ultimate Friend. Nothing moves Him to change His mind about us.
“Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” (Psalm 62:8, NKJV)
To pour something out means not holding it back. God is not asking for polished prayers. He wants honesty.
Then, pay attention to your heart posture. Pain changes people slowly when it goes unchecked. You may notice yourself becoming cynical, defensive, emotionally distant, suspicious, or easily irritated.
Bring those things before God quickly instead of justifying them.
Ask Him honestly: “Jesus, where is this pain trying to harden me?” “Where am I withdrawing out of fear?” “Where do I need wisdom?” “Where do I need healing?” And truly listen for His gentle answers as He holds your hand and heart through it all.
And then choose not to build walls where God is asking you to build wisdom instead.
Walls isolate. Wisdom discerns.
There is a difference.
Also, allow yourself to grieve honestly. Some friendships change. Some people can only walk with you into certain seasons. Some relationships shift when pressure, growth, insecurity, misunderstanding, or distance enters the picture. When things don’t fit the narrative anymore. When God is doing something different in your life. When your calling doesn’t make sense to others, and they eventually decide they have been there in support long enough without “speaking up.”
That hurts. And it is okay to admit it. God wants you to. Not for Him, but for you…
Not every ending means failure.
And please hear this clearly: stop exhausting yourself trying to make everyone see your heart correctly. That striving will drain you emotionally and spiritually.
There comes a point where you simply remain faithful before God and trust Him with what people choose to believe about you.
Jesus knows your heart fully. Nothing is hidden from Him.
And when disappointment tries to convince you to withdraw completely, resist that temptation. Do not isolate yourself from healthy, Godly connections because of pain.
Healing still happens in relationship.
Be a Wildfire
One of the most confronting parts of Job’s story is that God eventually asked him to pray for his friends. Not because they were right. In his case, they were not. But because God would not allow Job to become bitter through what he suffered.
That matters deeply.
Pain always tries to reproduce itself through us. Unhealed wounds eventually leak into conversations, reactions, assumptions, and relationships.
But when you allow God to heal you properly, something different happens.
You become safe again.
Not naive. Not blind. Not without discernment. But safe.
People encounter Jesus through your tenderness, steadiness, wisdom, honesty, and ability to remain loving without becoming performative.
And the world desperately needs that right now. Authentic friends led by the Spirit of God.
People are silently carrying disappointment everywhere. At work. In families. In friendships. In ministry. Many are functioning externally while internally feeling exhausted and unseen.
So notice people.
Notice the person who suddenly withdrew. Notice the strong person who suddenly seems tired. Notice the one who keeps saying “I am fine” while their heart is clearly carrying something deeper.
Do not become like Job’s friends who rushed to analyse instead of love.
Sometimes ministry looks like listening longer. Sometimes it looks like sitting with someone without immediately trying to fix them. Sometimes it looks like speaking Truth gently instead of giving shallow spiritual answers. It means truly praying and seeking God’s heart for your friend before ever allowing your own frustrations to rule. Before you feel the need to choose between you or them. There is no choice. Jesus shows us what unconditional love looks like, even if we feel uncomfortable or don’t fully understand.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15, NKJV)
Be present with people.
Carry what God is teaching you into your everyday relationships. Into conversations. Into moments where someone else feels forgotten, unseen, or emotionally exhausted.
This is how the fire spreads.
Not through performance. Through surrendered people who stayed tender before God even after disappointment.
And if you are currently in your own sackcloth and ashes season, please hear this clearly:
Ashes are not your identity.
This season may be exposing wounds, unhealthy attachments, exhaustion, fear, or misplaced expectations, but God is not wasting any of it.
He is refining you.
Not into someone harder. Into someone deeper.
Not emotionally numb. Anchored.
Not dependent on human approval. Secure in Him.
And one day, you will realise this season did not destroy your heart.
It taught your heart where Home truly is.
In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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